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Grieving for the loss of our loved ones begins even before the
actual time of death:
We grieve for loss of the relationship, loss of the interaction,
loss of all types of support that our loved one may have given
us;...
we grieve for the changes that occurred in our loved one's
life
and the suffering that he or she may have gone through;
we grieve for the end of the opportunity to do the things we
wanted to do together,
and we grieve at the ending of the connection
with that person here on Earth,
the ability to communicate immediately and directly;
We grieve for the end of a life together as we knew it,
not knowing the changes to come.
Grief is more than sadness, it may feel overwhelming and
consuming. However, grieving is a healthy and natural reaction,
and all of us go through it at one time or another. It's part
of life, just as the death of this body is common to all of us.
It is said that the loss of a loved one is "something that
you may get used to, but you don't necessarily totally get
over it." We learn to cope with it.
But grieving can lead to depression and ineffective coping.
Hospices must provide bereavement support services and counseling
to all family members for up to one year after the death of the
hospice patient.1 This includes children as well as
parents, spouses as well as siblings. The hospice counselors will
evaluate the family to determine who may have a greater need for
bereavement counseling. This counseling may be in the
family's home or at another meeting place; the important
thing to remember is that the hospice benefit includes support
even after the time of your loved one's death (for up to a
year and one month after).
The hospice must contact you and arrange for the bereavement
services you need. This is part of why hospice is considered
wholistic; it includes the needs of the whole person, the whole
family unit and considers your needs on psychological and
emotional levels, as well as the spiritual.
If you are feeling a need for support, please communicate that
with the hospice social worker, chaplain or RN casemanager. They
can arrange for the support you need to help you get through this
difficult time. If you notice that another family member appears
to be having a difficult time, then you should also contact your
hospice representative to arrange for support. Sometimes, people,
especially children, are unable to express their feelings and
needs openly, perhaps because they don't know how to put
those feelings into words. With children, grades in school may be
affected or behavioral problems may crop up. Hospice is there to
help you before, during and after the time of death, to assist
you.
Other Bereavement Support Groups Are Available
If you need bereavement counseling or wish to join a support
group (other than hospice-sponsored groups) you can probably find
several resources. You can call the funeral homes in your area,
churches often advertise these types of support groups in the
"meetings" section of local newspapers or you can
contact the social workers at your local hospital for referrals.
You can also contact The
American Cancer Society for information on groups they know
about. Many of the webring sites dealing with cancer or other
terminal illnesses offer support groups, message boards and other
forms of support. You can also do an internet search under
"bereavement services" for your area city and state to
find resources.
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